Roots

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I Don't Know

I don't know. I don't know what is reality. I don't know what is truth. And I don't know how I colour them both, and whether I wear any specs while looking at the harsh sun of life as it rises each day. Is it harsh or am I afraid?
I look at the green droplets, leaving my finger-tips askance and coagulating with the brown mud. Tell me, what colour are you eternity? Yes, I have been using green a lot these days. What do I do? I love that colour! And yellow too! And lavender, and red, and orange, and... And then I meet you, you earthly snake. What colour are you? You are a mixture of so many colours; but you are dark. No, I don't like dark, subdued, melancholy colours. But you exist, don't you? You are so real. As real as my eyelids and eyelashes. And as unreal. I cannot deny you. And I cannot pretend otherwise. Yet you are beautiful, aren't you? Curled around my neck, you trod me down on so many wise paths. Uphill you say, as downhill you pull. And when you spring from earth, and when we meet like serendipity, you always lunge for my throat, don't you? Always my throat. You absolutely love it, don't you? Alright, feed! What else do I say? There's a whole lifetime for that. But no, not always. Creep back to your black hole when you have to. You can visit only once in a while.
I am walking now, alone, with you cozy around my neck. Yes, yes. Have a good ride. Meanwhile I am smiling, laughing even. Each day I am pushing my feet towards the yellow of smile valleys. Yes, yes. We both have our writhing orgies. Writhing green orgies. Wait! Are you green? Green! But green... Yes, a very neat, cruel joke on me. I get it.
So what? I met a dream that day. And I realised I had carried it all along, hidden inside my many frayed layers. And now that dream dwells in my eyes. Do you see the stubborn glow in them? Or do you only insist on seeing the moistness? What is it that I hear? "I don't know"? Alright!
You be snug. You be content. But I am walking. I'm walking towards my dream.