Roots

Monday, January 31, 2022

Untitled

Look at me! 
See how I sprain 
My neck, my waist 
As I twist in your light!
Spare once a glance
At my eager face
Its lilting passion
The want, the pursuit it betrays!
I'm larger
Wider
Wombing much more light,
But this distance
This sweet, arching distance
Twains us like a mirror
You appear on the left, me right
You larger, me diminutive!
I'm rendered 
With nothing but desire
In the grandness of this illusion
What is to be done
Than seek you, O moon, my?
Deign to bend
An inch, a small light year
Let, if nothing,
Your shadow touch my lips
And some fruition occur
To this twig-tailed rhapsody!!
-
Chandni Girija
Jan 31, 2017

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Breathless

Before the bubbles rise in my head
Before the froth starts slipping from my eyes
Before my tongue begins arcing ingratiatingly to your ghost tongue
Let me take my leave
Let me run
Go!
Before my madness pins us both to the bed and buries us there
Chandni Girija

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Bending Down to the Pole Star

Where do I go from here?
I am left now
With this lapping ocean
Trapped inside of me

The rose petals shed
Now from my glasses
I am dry-eyed, chap-lipped

All I need
Is one dry seed in dry soil

A dry seed in dry soil
That will prick
A tiny hole on my numbness
Start a little trickle
So that as I brave new steps
The earth doesn't flood
And I do not drown

- Chandni Girija
Jan 26, 2022

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

New Year Resolutions

Twelve stones to keep
Each a reminder 
Each a boon
But I have only ten fingers
Each irreplaceable
I keep one on each fingernail
Five on the left convered
What now, with the rest?!
I toss the seven stones
In my right hand
I catch only three
Whom now, was I fooling?!
Do I go about the day
Or sit here, a stoned fool?!
I swallow a couple
Oh, oh no!
They drag down my pit!
What now, with the last one?
I see a passing dog.
When it yelps,
I know I have
Bloody figured it out!
-
Chandni Girija
Jan 25, 2022

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Annihilation

A single bluebell flower falls from the open bookshelf. Who had treasured it for so long? In the pages of which book? A book of poetry or dry theory? Had any one gifted that book? 

Watch as it falls. Watch it. It isn't the dry flat papery thing anymore. It begins to bloom. Like a tire tube being inflated. Like embarrassment creeping upon fair cheeks. It is blooming!

Why is it that I ring your doorbell each day? Every day? And you let me in! Why? You talk to me for hours. You talk with me for hours. We talk for hours. Why? Is it me entering you, or are you penetrating me? 

You look straight into my eyes. I look straight into yours. And I am baffled at this burst of yellowness. Blue rays colliding to become sunlight?! Whoever knew! Warm sunlight. Not harsh. Warm sunlight surrounds us. Warm sunlight drops to the ground, unsettling it, warming it. The brownness at our feet stirs, like tiny scurrying creatures. 

I am distracted by what is happening by our feet. By its stirring. The eyes can deceive sometimes. But can the ground beneath truly lie? Of all colours, what does brown whisper to me? What does it have to teach me anything?

And are you a teacher too? I wonder what you will teach me. 

The flower is in its fullest bloom as it nears the end of its flight. 

It hits a flat grey stone on the ground. 

The blue bell shatters to pieces. 

My goodness, such beauty. Like scattering blue sunlight. Little crashing waves of glass. 

And its sound?! Who knew a bell shattering would be so sweet, surpassing any and all goodness it did ringing and tolling?! Isssssh.

Gosh, catch the blueness. Catch the blueness with me. It is 5:14 AM and a blue sunrise for me. Share it with me in your sleep. Goodnight. 




Thursday, July 22, 2021

Meet me sliver
At the opening of dawn
Crack my eyes open
Wake me to your abundance
Till then wait stealthily by my window
Wait for me to sink to darkness
Wait till the very last moment


- Chandni Girija
09-08-18

विकल्प क्या हैं?

 मजहब से लोगों को इतना इतराज क्यों है?
क्या मजहब को समझा हैं लोगों ने?
हिंसा और बैर की बातें करते हैं  
क्या उसी समाज के कार्यकारी को समझा हैं लोगों ने?
अगर समझा है, तो बताइए -
सामूहिक स्तर पर विकल्प क्या हैं,
मजहब का विकल्प क्या हैं?!
- चाँदनी गिरिजा
१४-०८-१९

Sunday, July 18, 2021

You Wont Join Me?

Then I shall lie here
Watching you work
And you shall catch
The moment
Askance
When I shall
Finally fall asleep
My eyelids
Closing like the sun
Sinking in the sea
Don't you smile
Smile to yourself then
Alone
Forget this cumbersomeness
My beloved
Join me
Join me now
Look up
Look up!
This coldness 
This coldness we both love
Is so sensual, so feminine
And this blanket?
Our buffer, a fence
Bifurcating the world
Into two
Slip in here
Inside
Where we create
Our own world
Pulsating with warmth
Slip in here
We could then
Look at the cold world
Together 


- Chandni Girija
July 18, 2021

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Cold Magic

The coldness of these mornings gets to me every time. And I inadvertently think of you. 
I remember the hard days when I was teaching my mind to be disciplined. Sit, for long hours. Read, for long hours. Write, intently. I knew it didn't have to do with my mind. It had to do, with my body. It was my body that I had to train to sit still. To resist the temptation to curl up. Be resilient when it got unpleasant - the matter before me too hard. The body won my war for me. And the mind just followed meekly. If I had to define us I would say we are mostly bodies interspersed with mind even though we like to believe the opposite. 
So when I think of you it is my body that is thinking of you. The texture of the climate intermingling with my skin firing up my hormones that shoot straight up to the memory box that associates this feeling on skin with you. 
I send this kiss to you. Imagining it landing on your cheek? Oh that little trickery only my little mind can do. Good morning, my dear :) 

Friday, April 30, 2021

Hunger

Rains are about to come
I await the wetness
The first drops will awaken that
First rain smell
My hair will be drenched again
The droplets will be fingers
Caressing my waist, I will be
Reminded I am a woman again
I shall think of my unborn children
How I haven't held them yet
How I haven't held their children yet
I shall think of books, so many books
Ideas, genres, domains
I haven't explored yet
Data mine fields
I haven't exploded yet
I shall think of books and volumes
I haven't written yet
Virgin paper that I haven't inked yet
I shall think of songs and movies
That I haven't adored yet
The plays, the recitals, the performances
I haven't been to yet 
I shall think of my students
My wonderful, brilliant students 
Whose minds (and hearts) 
I haven't touched yet
I shall think of my remarkable friends
Whose laughter, warmth, goodness
I haven't soaked yet
I shall think of my lover
Whom I haven't met yet
Whose kisses I haven't stolen yet
Tomorrow if death takes me suddenly
I shall go with her as her comrade
But she should know
And should all who knew me know
That I wasn't 
I wasn't 
I wasn't 
I wasn't done yet.
-
Chandni Girija
April 30, 2021 

Day 30 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National/Global Poetry Writing Month #NaPoWriMo #GloPoWriMo

This is it. The journey of 30 days ends here. A slight sadness in me as I hit 'publish.' 
Life is a gift. Have unabashed hunger for it. Only that will help you hold on tenaciously, and fight! Have patience. The rains are about to come. :) 

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Dog with a Vanity Purse

Dog with a vanity purse
Went to Hydra-bath
Dog had a bath
Dog had a terrible bath
A dog terrible bath
Dog did a towel-y 
Dog did a howl-y
Dog went to temple
Dog did a beg-gy
Dog earned no money
Dog did a curse-y
Dog took a train
Dog popped some peanuts
Dog enjoyed the scenery
Dog was caught by TC
And scooped with a crane
Dog was so much dumped-y
Dog was depressed grumpy
Dog went to parlour
Dog was welcomed royally
Dog was given trimming
Dog was given facial
Dog opened the vanity bag
Dog promptly took to make-up
Dog was loved by the ladies
Dog was given no peace
And when they chanted "bikini wax"
Dog took a whole, huge dump-y
Microscopic feces hanging to butt hair
Dog now had only a place to go
Dog, good dog, with a vanity purse
Promptly hounded to Hydra-bath
-
Chandni Girija
April 29, 2021

Day 29 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo


Wednesday, April 28, 2021

The Bleakness of Yellow

Night ends miserably
She wakes to her friend's face
"How could she be gone?"
"What were her last thoughts?"
"She must have been scared"
She didn't have the strength
To muster yesterday's rage
The bleakness of yellow 
Spins through the day
Buzzing like a bee
A hypnotic buzz
Hanging like a blackness
"How could this be,
Isn't yellow a bright colour?"
Chores are done
Work is done
Somehow the day is done
She awaits sleep
Fatigue would translate
Quickly to sleep, wont it?
But the buzz returns
It then occurs to her
"The colour of pyres is yellow."
-
Chandni Girija
April 28, 2021

Day 28 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

This will be Remembered

Why are people surprised?
If in 2002 
You could run your hands 
Under the tap
Dry it off on a saffron towel
And seat yourself
Nonchalantly on your seat of power
Why not today
Then it was the blood of hundreds
And now it is of thousands
Rinse, repeat 
They ask
How can you sleep at night
The fools!
Haven't they understood by now
The fetters of normal humanity
Do not hold you
You snore at night!
Why in the name of current Indian hell
Are people even surprised? 
-
Chandni Girija
April 27, 2021

Day 27 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Lost my former classmate and hostel-mate of three years. Had pledged to send out hope and positivity in the closing of this writing month. But Charu's news has shaken many of us. 

Monday, April 26, 2021

Reason

Are you standing alone on the rock?
Dwarfed pitiably by the stretching horizon?
Intimidated by the roaring waves of the ocean?
Raging silently at your ridiculous frailty? 
You have forgotten
Reason
Your ability to reason is what makes you human
To weigh, to compare, to accept, to reject
It tells you how
And that is how
You will not jump into the ocean
If pulled by the waves, you won't drown:
You will simply remember to swim
Stop cursing your weaknesses
Reason is your biggest strength
Reason is all you need
Watch the horizon shrink now
As your posture changes.
-
Chandni Girija
April 26, 2021

Day 26 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Their Wombs

Flecks of dust fly upwards
His each step creating a chaos 
His forgotten umbrella hangs
Behind the bedroom door  

His reminiscent wife hangs 
By the local's door 
She would reach Dadar now
An hour earlier than him
He would alight at Vity

She had whispered a secret
To the universe
Morning, today morning
The dust, the umbrella
The rod she clung to
Dadar and Vity
All had heard it

Wind carries her hair
Momentum tousles his

He didn't know yet
She would tell him
Evening, today evening

They both smile
The same instant

He thinks it is
The craziness of his run
She knows it is
Their blooming tiny secret

He presses his belly
With his left hand
Calming the running stitch
And with her free right hand
She hugs her waist
Completing the still picture
-
Chandni Girija
April 25, 2021

Day 25 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo



 

Saturday, April 24, 2021

हम कैद रहेंगे

मौत दरवाजे पर हैं 
घंटी बजा रही 
उम्मीद खिड़की पर हैं 
कहती हैं कूदेगी 
हमने अब सोच लिया हैं 
दरवाजा और खिड़की 
दोनों बंद रहेंगे 
उम्मीद के साथ 
हम घरपर कैद रहेंगे 
जो साथी छोड़कर चले गए हैं 
जो फेफड़ों से संघर्ष कर रहें हैं 
नीली-हरी में जो सीमा पर लढ रहें हैं 
हमारे बच्चे, हमारे बूढ़े 
मित्र-बंधू 
जो साँस साथ हमारे ले रहें हैं 
हमारी जिस्मों में बस्ती जानें 
कर्जदार इनके रहें हैं 
सरकार साथ दे भी ना अगर 
हम मिलकर श्रृंखला तोड़ेंगे 
हौसले कि श्रृंखला जोड़ेंगे 
अटल रहेंगे 
सतर्क रहेंगे 
उम्मीद के साथ 
हम घरपर कैद रहेंगे
-
चाँदनी गिरिजा 
अप्रैल २४, २०२१ 

This poem is as an attempt to honour Ravindra Bansode's memory. Ravindra was a PhD scholar from our centre (Centre for Study of Social Exclusion and Inclusive Policies, TISS) who passed away yesterday due to Covid-related complications. I never had the good fortune of interacting directly with him. But I remember him distinctly from our group meetings. He was humble and soft-spoken. It is unsettling to think that someone whose face I saw, voice I heard over Zoom calls, just a few months back, is no more. We have lost such a young person, a future doctorate and, as so many Ambedkarite brothers and sisters have lamented, a valuable part of the Ambedkarite movement. An abrupt end to so many possibilities and dreams. It saddens and angers me. But we owe to Ravindra and the others like him, who left us too soon, to not be broken. 
I wish strength to his wife, two children and dear ones. 
Jai Bhim, Ravindra!



Day 24 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo


Friday, April 23, 2021

Wronged

Let’s say you’re opposed to the ghost
in principle, your pragmatism disallows it  
yet, let’s say you secretly desire it,
so that he could have a way back in,
find manifestation to the lake in you,
carefully shored from the world,
where his former friends and family,
no longer speak his name, which is lost,
and yet you treasure it, repeating lovingly
the alliteration in your names;
so let's say you unabashedly desire
to see him, selfishly seek utterance,
to your undying grief, 
and let's say you are probably,
still smarting, a little crazy, bitter,
it's just that you want him to appear,
so that you could screech at him,
Why, why did we not have time?
-
Chandni Girija
April 23, 2021

Inspired by today's NaPoWriMo's challenge to write a poem in response to another poem. 'Wronged' is a response to Jeet Thayil's 'Life Sentence.' Thayil is an author who has stayed and talked in my head. His 'Narcopolis' was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize 2012. Thayil was one of the judges of the 2020 International Booker Prize. 
I have contrasted with Thayil's conception. I have followed his form, while differing in some instances. However, it is my feeling that has largely taken over. Poems, I suspect, write themselves :)

Photo by Pixabay, procured at Pexels

Day 23 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Diary Entry: April 22, 2021

Time
Time is not a construct
Time is real, a physical reality
Time is my prematurely grey hair
Time is my healed dog bite scar
Time is my cracked laptop cover
Time is Amma's dilapidating arm chair
Time is the death of our known ones
Time is the death of unknown ones
Time is election time
Time is political priorities
Time is a crumbling healthcare system
Time is my friend's daughter's fifth birthday
Time is the new litter of my niece's cat
Time is the omnipresent blueness
Time is the pulsating frustration
Time is dejection
Time is hopelessness
Time is real, ask these physical realities
Time is not a construct
-
Chandni Girija
April 22, 2021

An experimentation of form, inspired from napowrimo's Day 21 prompt to use a 'repetitive set-up' 

Day 22 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

The Dance of Rage

No
The earth is not shaking
It is the elephants
They are dancing
They are trumpeting 
Listen, listen, listen
Such a mad, mad tune
This is crazy!
Look, look, look
Our feet are dancing too
Dhoom tikine dhoom
Tikine tikine dhoom
Let us join the dark ones
Their song is wise and true
Their song is right and true
Let our dancing feet
Become a march song
Let our marching feet
Become the great dance
Let us ripple across
Kanyakumari to Kashmir

Let us vibrate from
Gujarat to Arunachal
Let us slap awake sleep

Let us punch sense in stupor
Stupor, the dangerous one
Stupor, the deeply slept
Let us break the front teeth
Two front teeth of stupor
And when stupor finally smiles
The toothless smile
Let us mark its forehead
With the blood from its gums
Let us mark it
With a proud tilak
Let us then finally all
The awake
The revived 
Us all
Sway into Delhi
Our marching, dancing feet
A crescendo
Let us bring the leeches
The bespectacled leeches
Down to free maidan
Then in a single, unified motion
Our legs melded as one
A single leg of a great asur
Let us, let us
Crack their skulls
-
Chandni Girija
April 21, 2021

Day 21 of 30 | 30 Poems in 30 Days | National Poetry Writing Month #napowrimo

Comics: Sanitary Panels
News Clip: Live Mint